I am super excited right now, YES! I can't wait to go HOME and finally be a stay-at-home daughter *yipeeee*
As I was going down memory lane, I realized I haven't actually been home full time in a long while. From the moment I started school, when I was 5 years, I have moved from one level to another without a single break. I was slowly becoming a visitor in my own home, neighborhood and church. More often than ever, when people would see me with my mom, they would be SHOCKED that my mother actually has a daughter (yes, it was that bad!). The most saddening part is that, the bond which is meant to exist between parents and their children was fast fading away. Email had become the most efficient mode of communication, even when I was home, I would literally wait for my parents to leave home for work then I send an email sharing my troubles, cares or joys.
Going home had become a burden, my spiritual life would suffer every time. It was as if vacation from school also meant vacation from my prayer and devotional life. I had no desire of making friends back home because I believed my life was in Cape Town. At church I always felt out of place because I wanted church to be like SDASM. At home I always had an issue with diet, instead of educating them I would throw tantrums and just not eat.
Upon reflection I realized the ONLY reason why I was feeling like that about home is that I was afraid of being DIFFERENT. Cape Town had become my comfort zone. I knew if I had a problem I would have people to run to, without being 'judged'. With dress or diet, I wouldn't feel awkward because a number of people share the same sentiments on the topics. I wasn't ready to stand for the TRUTH. I was afraid of being the LIGHT in the darkened world nor the SALT to the tasteless world. I was striving to follow God BUT at the same time not be set apart.
As I write this, I am not any different, the fear is still there. I have no clue how I will adjust or cope. The thought of leaving Cape Town, my friends, my brothers, my sisters, SDASM, is the most heartbreaking one I have ever had in a while. I just pray the Lord will give me STRENGTH and COURAGE to remain faithful and true to His word.