Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Brain Dump Wednesday: What's on my mind?


This is a typical random ramblings post. I'm up at 2am, a bit hungry - meaning sleep ain't gna happen any time soon but I sure hope my hunger will be gone by the time I'm done because I'm definitely not going to be that child that never wants to eat during meal times but wakes up early mornings to make food.


Towards the end of April I came back home with the mind of being a full time stay at home daughter with the hope to make up for all those years I was in boarding school and at college. Then, I would come home for a month at most at least three times a year and literally be a couch potato. I wouldn't watch much television but I would spend hours on the phone - my typical punishment was getting my cellphone privilege taken away. I did no work around the house I hid behind my books - cooking, laundry, baking, cleaning - none of that! I was pretty much a tomboy, I hated all that girls were expected to love. Even now being all girly ain't natural to me - make up, handbags (I do sling bags at least), heels, dressing up (I at least put effort now), showing emotions (I suck at this, I often tell my friends that I'm not romantic but a close friend assured me that it will change once I get a hubby - only time will tell).

However, one woman trait that didn't skip me is crying, this is normally when I have to leave home. I cried on my first day of pre-school, primary school, the first four years of high school, all my three years of college, more tears expected when I have to give up being a MAPOSA (if the Lord won't be here by then). The thought of marriage makes me sigh, I sometimes wonder if I will give up my surname or just add my hubby's one after mine. I wonder if I would be able to sacrifice or pray as much as my mom does. I wonder if my hubby would be able to love me and treat me the way my dad does to my mom. And our children, with the way I enjoy crying will I be able to stop that baby from crying? My mom told us that my older brother would cry so much, so much so that, she would join him - I see myself doing that too. Oh hubby, I hope you will be able to handle us both! 

Back to being a stay at home daughter, I am grateful that I got this opportunity to serve my family at home. It has been such a great pleasure. In these few months I have learnt a lot of life time lessons from cooking, baking, gardening, cleaning the house, cooking with fire in a smokey hut kitchen, laundry - hand washing, loving and caring for others, tolerating your loved ones, knowing when to remain quiet (I was once a word vomit master), reading for knowledge not just to get by tests and exams, and many others. I have had days when I was just over being home, when I just wanted to stay in bed all day, when I thought this staying at home thing ain't for me and there are some days when I wish I could stay home until marriage then be a homemaker until Jesus comes. But as my prayer is daily - for not my will but God's will to be done.

I know that just sounded like a 'funeral speech' - as if my stay at home daughter days are over and I am now reflecting on them. (Disclaimer: they aren't over yet but will soon be.)

A few days back, I received an email saying I had been accepted into Law School for my postgraduate degree. Instead of being happy I was on a super low mood - I bet God was just like this ungrateful child. I don't know how my brain functions sometimes, maybe a lil slow to digest stuff, but by God's grace I got over myself. Now I'm a lot thrilled to go back to school. I can't wait for our great day of reunion with - the super thick books, long hours of study, all-nighters, deadlines, group-study dates, non-existent social life, 'thank God it's Friday' moments, and many more happy days in Law School. 

Whaaaaaaaat? it's 05:42 now! I can't believe I have been up for a lil less than 4 hours doing a whole bunch of NOTHING! I sure hope I will be able to do the same in Law School. Oh and Yes! my hunger is gone.


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